Mangy Fox Edition
-gotcha bitch-
When you have the overall first pick, you have just one job for your draft – don’t screw up the rest of it. CMC at #1 is a no brainer but what are the chances he can go another full season without getting injured? Pulling in unauthorized outside help for your draft is also pretty bush league. But even after that, your team is mediocre at best. Taking a defense in the 10th round was a bold move. Did I say bold? Sorry, I meant stupid. However it makes sense since you were in bed before the 12th round.
C-
Big Hoses
You started strong with Tyreek but it went downhill from there. Did you accidentally print off the 2022 version of your draft sheet? I think that is the last time Zeke and Godwin were decent. Your team will be fine though. Not because it’s good but because somehow so many other teams are much worse. I bumped you up from a C minus to a C plus for waiting until the last 2 rounds to pick your defense and kicker. That makes it look like you have an inkling of a clue.
C+
BackSeat Meat
I’m not sure what you were going for here with this roster build. It’s like you were trying to pick either unproven guys, guys who have already proved they are a disappointment, or guys who are always hurt. Maybe that is what you were going for? If so, you can file an appeal and I’ll re-evaluate and consider raising your draft grade.
D
Off To Grandpa
We all knew you were going to start the QB run early. You do know our league scoring is -2 points per interception thrown right? Hopefully you aren’t 0-4 by the time Chubb possibly returns. Usually when a team picks 4 RBs with their first 7 picks they try to pick at least 1 that doesn’t suck. You were smart enough to keep LaPorta however, which is about the only reason why you didn’t get an F.
D-
BC-DC
Did you just not listen to your draft advisor, or was your draft advisor just this bad? I don’t know if you’ve heard but Travis Kelce has a girlfriend now. Pretty sure he’s gonna be a little distracted or jet lagged or both for most of the season. At least you diversified and also got the Kansas City RB and WR. I’m sure that will be fine. Unfortunately your C minus gets dropped to a D for naming your team BC-DC. I assume that’s to make sure we know you have a gay bromance? Brad Cunningham – Don Conoyer?
D
Mangy Fox
Believe it or not, I will be completely unbiased in grading my own team. I am being completely honest when I say it could be the best team ever drafted in ESPN leagues. Am I saying this team will go undefeated? Of course not! But I am saying it surely wouldn’t be a surprise if they were 14-0. It’s kind of amazing how this team only has players with a high floor AND high ceiling. Of course there will be injuries and bad weeks which is why we should still play the season out but get used to seeing the high scorer sign in front of 108 West for the majority of the weeks to come.
A+
World Champs X13
There was surprisingly only 2 Packers drafted to this team and that includes the Packers defense. I guess with 7 WRs the plan was just throw shit at the wall and see what sticks? I suppose that could work in this league. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of your RBs will even be their NFL team’s starter after 6 weeks or so into the season. An “A” for effort I guess. But C minus for the actual draft.
C-
Moose Knuckle
Surprisingly not a horrible draft. Not great, but hey, sometimes low expectations are the way to go. The kicker in 10 and defense in 11 are one way to get your starting lineup filled out first. I don’t think you win anything for that, but good job? This team is going to be the team everyone assumes they’ll beat each week only to have a couple weeks where Justin Tucker scores 20+ points and the SF defense adds in another 20 and BAM! the draft strategy pays off with 2 more wins that anyone would have ever thought!
B-
Shockers!
Sigh. Someone please help me understand how this fucker has three championships? I mean taking JT in round 1 was a gimme. After that though, how high was Dr. Cox? It’s fine. His team of 3 QBs and has been players will somehow make the playoffs and then all his opponents will have their star player get injured or suspended right before playing him. So I guess when you don’t have to give a shit about the draft, you don’t give a shit about the draft, and you end up with a team like this.
D
Daddy Finger
It’s almost like half this team was drafted without even getting out of a swimming pool. If I didn’t know better I would assume whoever was drafting was just shouting from the water, “I don’t care just pick someone for me.” So with that in mind, I guess they did OK. They also get bumped up a full letter grade for writing in a kicker. That may be a Fairfield West Fantasy Football League draft first.
C+
Stag Boyz
For fuck’s sake, how hard is it to print off your own draft sheet? There are literally thousands to choose from free online. Just google it and hit print. Instead you just randomly grab the page from who ever happens to be closest to you and pick what may or may not be the next best player listed. And yet this draft is better than at least half the other teams. Bravo sir. Obviously finding a sponsor for each shotgun round is a lot of work and can take away from focusing on the draft, but you managed to do an admirable job with balancing these competing priorities.
B
Replacement Fudge
Look, I get it. You inherited a crappy team that had already made the crappy choice to keep Mahomes with the 1st round pick. I suppose you want to be graded on a curve or something? Well unfortunately, there is no room for cry baby bitches in this league which is why we just had a whole fucking funeral for the last guy. Your draft grade is an F. However, don’t think of it as an “F” as in fail, think of it more as an “F” as in Fuck you, rookie.
F